The Best Way to Spend Time Together

Does your partner ever complain that they don’t see enough of you?

We all want to be close to our loved one, but beware when your partner asks you to spend more time with them.

It’s true, some couples would really benefit by finding a way to make their relationship more of a priority. It is absolutely essential to spend quality time together, but it is equally important to spend time doing whatever it is that makes you happy.

Alone time comes first, so that you naturally have more to give to your relationship.

That being said, if you’re going to be together happily, couple time is also essential.

Ideally, your time on your own should leave you energized and genuinely wanting to hang out together.

To make this possible, make sure that your alone time is spent doing something revitalizing, then spend time together. You will get so much more from your interactions this way; more laughter, a stronger sense of love and greater intimacy.

Feeling obligated to hang out as a couple doesn’t work. We need to desire our shared time together. When you come together through desire, both of you win!

Since life is busy, even though couple time needs to be desired, scheduling the time works best so that it is given the priority it deserves. Don’t let this time be changed when other things come up. Instead honour these dates.

The idea of your partner wanting to spend more time with you (or perhaps it’s you wanting to spend more time with your partner) is described wonderfully in Aesop’s fable of the Goose that Laid the Golden Eggs. The story is about a couple that find a goose that lays golden eggs. Over time, they end up wanting more than just the one golden egg per day!

So, they decide to cut the goose open and lo and behold they now have nothing as the goose is now dead, and there is no gold inside. The goose developed the golden egg from scratch daily. The moral is that those who want too much lose everything.

You see, like the goose, you need to develop your happiness and tend to your well-being daily otherwise it just doesn’t exist. Your partner doesn’t necessarily understand that you are like the golden goose. By this, I mean that when you are available and happy to be there, your partner doesn’t always think about the fact that you’re so fun to be with because you make yourself a priority and without this time you won’t be as vibrant and energetically attractive.

In order to be a great partner and have an enjoyable time when you’re together, you need to ensure that you’ve taken the time to fill yourself up first!

You are in charge of your own life and responsible for your happiness and well-being. It is your responsibility to make sure that all of your needs are met and that you are energetic and happy. Then, you are able to truly give your partner the time and energy that you have, when you have it.

Often your partner wants even more of you than you have to offer because your company is so great!

It’s easy for your partner to lose sight of the fact that you are in fact so delightful to be around because you make the effort to spend time doing all of the things that make you feel happy and balanced. ~ Susan Blackburn

To take you away from those things and demand more of your time, leaves you uninteresting and average, because you’ve let go of the very activities, passions and friendships you need to energized and balanced.

Many couples find it helpful to negotiate weekly alone time and together time so that the expectations are clear. For example, you might decide to have two evenings of alone or time with friends and one date night where you do something engaging and fun together weekly.

So, be true to yourself and offer your partner the very best of you. This means sometimes having to say no. But, wow… when you are available, the time you spend together will be amazing and will always be worth it’s weight in gold.


7 Responses

  1. This is good too… making yourself overly available doesn’t help anything. Im slowly learning how important it is to have your own life/time separate from your partner. It keeps you & the relationship interesting.

    1. Hi Julie… I’m so happy to hear that you’re committing to the interdependence that comes from having a separate life in addition to a shared life. I agree that it keeps things interesting and life just gets better and better this way 🙂 I’d be happy to send you a complimentary copy of my Intro Relationship Guide Ebook ~ please let me know if you’d like me to email one to you and add you to my newsletter. ♥

  2. Being in a long term relationship myself, I realize how vital it is to have separate lives. It is so easy to get into the routine of constantly being with eachother that you almost forget who you are without the other person. Rather than feeling lost, or feeling completely dependent on the other person, focusing on personal happiness is the answer. In turn, time apart makes both people realize how much they enjoy eachothers company. I agree that it keeps the desire present in a relationship. A very wise woman told me that yoga is a great outlet for connecting with yourself. . People around you can read this energy that you find in yourself. I truly believe that once you are able to focus on your personal happniness it can be integrated into the relationship. We often forget about doing those little things that put us in a high place of energy. I know for myself, hanging out with girlfriends and exercising help me find that individual happiness which in turn, makes me a pleasant person for my partner to be around.

    1. Hi Jenna! I agree that remembering the “I” in relationshIp is vital. And YES yoga is a great stress reliever! For many people that practise yoga it makes them feel as cool as a cucumber! They have a happy and relaxed outlook on life. Yoga, and as you say, time with girlfriends and exercising makes for great energy you can share with your partner!

  3. Wow! I’m so happy that I found your website. I am slowly learning from reading your blog. Everything you write here… its exactly what I need to know so that I can have my own life instead of depending on my bf. 😀

Susan Blackburn

Susan Blackburn

About Susan Blackburn:

Susan Blackburn, M.A., C.Psych. is a Registered Psychologist, Psychotherapist, Counsellor & Therapist in Toronto at Yonge Eglinton, a Published Author and a guest Relationship Expert on radio and television.

Susan enjoys working with people to enhance the quality of their lives. Her collaborative psychotherapy and counselling approach offers clients effective tools and strategies to increase happiness, manage stress, find balance, improve confidence, embrace self care and focus on the positive so that they can relax and enjoy life.

Services are covered under most extended health benefits and workplace insurance plans requiring clients be seen by a Registered Psychologist through her registration with the College of Psychologists of Ontario.

Susan is the owner of Susan Blackburn Psychology a boutique therapy private practice located in midtown Toronto at Yonge and Eglinton.

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