Should You Stay or Go?

Do you feel as though you’re at a crossroads in your relationship?

Are you unsure whether you should stay and work it out or cut your losses and move on?

This is a really challenging place to be in and unfortunately, most people will have this choice to make at least once in their life. Being ambivalent in your relationship is pretty common where at least one partner can’t decide if the positive reasons to stay outweigh the bad.

The decision to ‘end your relationship or not’ is important and often difficult. It’s something you want to make sure you do with clear intentions.

Should You Stay or Go
By clear intentions I mean getting yourself into a good place mentally, so that your heart and mind are in working together instead of being at war with each another.

Wondering whether you should stay or call it quits often results in an emotional tug-of-war of epic proportions between your gut and your brain.

It can appear as confusion, feeling overwhelmed, being depressed and finding yourself scattered mentally. It can leave you feeling rattled to the point that you start running red lights and stops signs when it really gets out of hand and your level of distraction is at an all time high.

So, the first step in deciding whether you should stay or go is finding clarity.

A decision such as this is impossible to make when you can’t think straight.

Getting Clear Whether Staying or Leaving is Best

How exactly do you find clarity and peace of mind?

It’s time for you to get still.

15 Activities to Find Clarity

  1. start to meditate
  2. do yoga
  3. spend time in nature
  4. get some distance from your partner
  5. journal
  6. eat healthy
  7. visualize a future that brings you joy
  8. laugh
  9. relax and get plenty of rest
  10. use positive affirmations
  11. start and end each day with gratitude
  12. release the need to control the timing of this decision
  13. clear out clutter
  14. make self care a bigger priority
  15. start taking control of your life (money, friends, health, home, family, career etc.).

Doing these things will open your heart and bring it into harmony with your mind. The decision to stay or go is not an intellectual one, but an intuitive one. Your heart is your best guide. Your heart won’t compete with the chatter of your mind though. Knowing how to quiet your mind so that you can listen to our own wisdom is key.

Should You Stay or Go in Your Relationship

When you quiet enough to hear your intuition and bring greater organization to your life, your heart and mind will guide you in answering the following questions:

21 Questions To Help Decide Whether You Should Stay in Your Relationship or Not

  1. “Am I able to make myself and this relationship a priority?”
  2. “Are my relationship expectations bringing us closer together or further apart?”
  3. “Am I treated with kindness and respect?”
  4. “Do I know how to say no with warmth and consideration?”
  5. “Am I a joy to be around?”
  6. “Do I feel comfortable speaking the truth in a way it can be heard?”
  7. “Do I communicate in a way that builds trust and cooperation?”
  8. “Why am I putting up with this heartache?”
  9. “Do I have strong boundaries that protect my integrity and values?”
  10. “Am I on the right path in my life regardless of my relationship
  11. “Do I bring out the best in my partner?”
  12. “Does my partner believe in me and my dreams
  13. “If I went back to the beginning would I still choose my partner
  14. “When’s the last time I really laughed and had fun in my relationship
  15. “Do I want to spend more time than I do currently with my partner
  16. “Do I like myself in this relationship?”
  17. “Do I respect and admire my partner?”
  18. “I love my partner, but do I like him?”
  19. “Am I settling by staying?”
  20. “Who is the first person I want to share the great moment’s that happen in my life with?
  21. “Are my true life goals in alignment with this relationship?”

Having a clear mind and an open heart will give you the courage you need to discover whether the relationship you’re in is where you belong or whether you and your partner are travelling two different roads.

Make positive changes in your life without making a decision just yet and see where the dust falls. Often, when you change your partner will too.

You need to build the same set of strengths whether you stay or go: improved communication, increased self-awareness, more self-confidence, a lot of courage and deep honesty with yourself.

We love to hear from you!

Let us know if you found the suggested questions helpful in deciding whether you should stay or go.


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Susan Blackburn

Susan Blackburn

About Susan Blackburn:

Susan Blackburn, M.A., C.Psych. is a Registered Psychologist, Psychotherapist, Counsellor & Therapist in Toronto at Yonge Eglinton, a Published Author and a guest Relationship Expert on radio and television.

Susan enjoys working with people to enhance the quality of their lives. Her collaborative psychotherapy and counselling approach offers clients effective tools and strategies to increase happiness, manage stress, find balance, improve confidence, embrace self care and focus on the positive so that they can relax and enjoy life.

Services are covered under most extended health benefits and workplace insurance plans requiring clients be seen by a Registered Psychologist through her registration with the College of Psychologists of Ontario.

Susan is the owner of Susan Blackburn Psychology a boutique therapy private practice located in midtown Toronto at Yonge and Eglinton.

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