Are you familiar with the real truth about choosing a life partner?
The person you choose to partner with for life is the straight up most important decision you will ever make.
It will without a doubt affect either negatively or very positively absolutely everything in your life and the consequences for making the right decision are going to be far-reaching one way or the other.
Take a moment to let that sink in for a moment. Go ahead… I’ll wait.
Your choice of life partner will impact every aspect of your being. It will influence your happiness, career success, health, finances, children, friends and family, so it’s not a decision you want to take lightly.
Choosing someone that brings out the best in you and adds a sense of joy and ease to your life is essential to your emotional and physical well being. And regardless of what others say and how common it may or may not be among your circle of friends, you really don’t want to have a starter marriage. You want to choose wisely and then do everything in your power to make it last.
Many people put an emphasis on the practical aspect of choosing the right long-term partner.
These practical matters are founded in logic and include qualities like status, profession, income and level of sophistication or status. In other words, making sure your significant other looks good “on paper”.
On the other end of the spectrum, people concentrate on the impractical traits involved in selecting the right person. Impractical matters are governed by the heart and cover things like how much fun and adventure you have together, how romantic is your relationship, whether or not you have a soulmate connection and understand each other deeply and are you head over heels in love.
When the you base your decision almost entirely on the practical or only on the impractical side of your relationship the odds are pretty great that you will choose someone that won’t end up being the best choice.
Hmmm… Why is that?
Like most things in life, it’s the balance of both that brings real success whether it ‘s in terms of choosing the ideal life mate or really, anything else in your life.
Choosing a partner whose qualities strike a balance between the practical and the impractical is essential.
Ultimately, it’s the wisdom of your mind, otherwise known as the practical, in combination with the intelligence of your heart, also referred to as the impractical or the intuitive, that will allow you to make the very best decision.
The following life partner qualities represent the mind’s wisdom with that of the heart for a lifetime of success in love:
Character Traits to Look for in a Life Partner
Responsibility: being accountable to one’s self and others in all aspects of life
Generosity: the ability and willingness to give unselfishly in what is said and done
Kindness: true kindness is being authentic and compassionate toward one’s self and others
Chemistry: an undeniable spark or attraction that exists between two people
Shared Values: compatible core beliefs about yourself, others and life in general
Integrity: doing the right thing at all times and in all circumstances to the best of one’s ability
Self Awareness: knowing your strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, feelings and motivations
Loyalty: being consistently devoted to your partner and the relationship
Shared Goals: having common goals for the future, aspirations and dreams
In order to make an excellent decision you will need be patient and conduct a thorough intellectual and emotional evaluation.
15 Questions to Ask Before Choosing a Life Partner
Some questions you might want to consider asking yourself and ideally asking your possible future partner include:
How much money do you and your partner currently earn and how much do you envision earning in the future?
Are either of you bothered by the possibility of having your partner discuss personal details about your relationship with his or her family or close friends?
How much time should be allocated for quality couple time, time with friends and other social obligations?
What are your respective thoughts on retirement, career changes, going back to school and relocating to another city?
Where is the line when it comes to flirting with others?
Do you want to have children and if so, how many? Would you go to any and all lengths to have children if they are in your plans?
How do I feel when my partner goes out with his or her friends without me for the evening or out of town for a girls’/boys’ trip?
Do either of you see the relationship changing once you’re married. Why or why not? And if so, in what ways?
Are we a match with how old-fashioned we are, or are not in terms of traditional relationship roles?
What do each of you consider to be a betrayal and or cheating on your partner?
Do you share the same values when it comes to seeking therapy for relationship concerns?
What are your thoughts on breaking down emotionally and crying in front of each other?
Are you truly able to be yourself around your partner and if so, are you loved and accepted fully?
Are you on the same page for how much or little involvement you expect to have with your respective in-laws?
What order should you have for prioritization of self care, your partner, any children you might have, in-laws, friends and career?
In the end it will be well worth your time and effort to ask yourself some difficult questions and in some cases, even end your relationship if you see red flags for the future. When you choose well you can expect to admire and respect your partner for a lifetime and vice versa.
We would love to hear from you!
What do you think of the truth about choosing a life partner?
About Susan Blackburn: Susan Blackburn, M.A. is an Individual Psychotherapist, Couples Counsellor & Marriage Therapist, a Published Author and a guest Relationship Expert on radio and television. Susan is passionate about working with individuals and couples to improve the quality of their lives. Her collaborative psychotherapy and counselling approach offers clients effective tools and strategies to overcome relationship issues, low self-esteem, depression, stress, anxiety and other challenges so that they can attain increased confidence, work/life balance and greater happiness. She also provides psychological services covered by extended health benefits and workplace insurance requiring clients be seen by a Registered Psychologist through her clinical supervision with Dr. Richard Wood, C. Psych. Susan’s private practice is located in midtown Toronto at Yonge and Eglinton.