Our virtual book club selection for July is ‘Stop Calling Him Honey… and Start Having Sex!’, a groundbaking new book on sex and relationships that’s very much in line with my Practical with Heart marriage coaching principles. I’m loving it and can’t wait to hear what you think! Here’s an excerpt:
Stop Calling Him Honey… and Start Having Sex!
by Maggie Arana and Julienne Davis
Honey is seemingly one of the most innocuous words in the world, but for a relationship it can be one of the most dangerous…
How many of us call our partners ‘honey’? Millions of us use the word in multiple countries and in multiple languages. Its use has become such a cliché that when we see a film or TV program where a husband returns home from work, we expect to hear him say, ‘Hi, honey, I’m home!’ This is probably one of the most common, socially accepted habits that can develop in long-term relationships. Nearly everyone calls their loved one an endearing nickname. They can’t all be wrong can they? Yes, they can! And yes, they are!
What’s wrong with calling each other ‘honey,’ you ask? Well, honey is great on a warm piece of toast, but lousy on a couple’s sex life. Calling your partner ‘honey’ is the first step down the slippery slope toward a bland or nonexistent sexual relationship. And unfortunately, it usually doesn’t stop with ‘honey,’ but degenerates into ‘hon,’ ‘sweetie,’ ‘pookie,’ ‘papa bear,’ ‘pumpkin,’ ‘mugwump,’ ‘snookie-ookums,’ ‘furfy,’ ‘tweetie,’ ‘love bug,’ ‘cuddle face,’ ‘cutie pie,’ ‘biscuit,’ ‘tiger-twinkies,’ ‘doober,’ ‘schwinkie,’ ‘toodle-puss,’ ‘schmoopie’. . . you get the picture. And, yes, we could easily fill this entire chapter with the little endearing nicknames that we are all guilty of using. There’s a lot of creativity goin’ on there . . . and that’s not helping either!
When you get married, part of the ritual is that you both become one, and that is one of the beautiful things about marriage. You have a permanent partner, an ally, a most-trusted friend. You trust your life, your savings, and most important, your heart with this person. They are your family now. But we need to look further into what ‘becoming one’ actually means.
Once you become one—as in two halves of a whole, rather than two whole complete separate people—you can say good-bye to the passionate sex you enjoyed in the beginning. Why? Because sexual attraction is often built upon being attracted to someone who is different than and separate from you. In marriage, however, this idea of two whole separate people often falls by the wayside after a few years of living together. It’s often so easy to get too comfortable with one another and so close that you blur the lines between you and throw part of your identity away in the process. Separation and unique identities are essential to maintaining a good sex life. Becoming one means two whole complete separate people are joined together in marriage. Meaning . . . it’s a partnership! It is not that each person gives up half of who they are for that partnership.
I hope you find this book helpful and inspiring in getting more of the love you deserve! You can find new or used copies here, or you can always check your local library. As you read, add your thoughts and questions to the comments below. I’ll be answering questions and adding my thoughts as well for the month of July.