How to Stop Arguing

Are you constantly arguing or bickering with your partner?

Is it driving you nuts?

An effective strategy to minimize arguing is to implement a ‘no fighting’ guideline between the two of you.

Instead, if you have an issue to discuss, make an appointment to talk about it with your partner.

This eliminates emotional conversations in the heat of the moment.

By the time the appointment time arrives, it’s likely you’ve cooled off and no longer feel the need to talk about it.


If you still feel it warrants a conversation at least you’ll be less emotional and able to speak to your partner in a way that he can hear you.

In order to make this work effectively, you must bite your tongue and simply ask for an appointment instead of ‘letting him have it’. You don’t get a say as to when your partner is available or not. Allow him to let you know when he’s free.

To be fair, it should be within a few days of the request and should not be during quality time (an evening out, over a meal, or in bed).

Most women say that by the time the appointment time comes around they either forgot what they wanted to bring up or they’ve realized it’s not really a big deal.

Making appointments enables you to see that the things you’re bickering about aren’t always important, even though they appear to be in the heat of the moment. Once your temper cools off and you’ve had a chance to gain a little perspective, you will often feel differently.

This is partly because fighting rarely addresses the real problem. Half the time you may not even be aware of what the root concern truly is! All you know is that you’re really irritated with your partner and he’s getting on your nerves. Something, but you’re not sure ‘what’ has triggered an unconscious response within you.

Ideally, you want to be feeling calm and balanced when connecting with your partner. Making appointments to discuss your concerns offers you this possibility and allows for more love and harmony between the two of you.


Susan Blackburn

Susan Blackburn

About Susan Blackburn:

Susan Blackburn, M.A., C.Psych. is a Registered Psychologist, Psychotherapist, Counsellor & Therapist in Toronto at Yonge Eglinton, a Published Author and a guest Relationship Expert on radio and television.

Susan enjoys working with people to enhance the quality of their lives. Her collaborative psychotherapy and counselling approach offers clients effective tools and strategies to increase happiness, manage stress, find balance, improve confidence, embrace self care and focus on the positive so that they can relax and enjoy life.

Services are covered under most extended health benefits and workplace insurance plans requiring clients be seen by a Registered Psychologist through her registration with the College of Psychologists of Ontario.

Susan is the owner of Susan Blackburn Psychology a boutique therapy private practice located in midtown Toronto at Yonge and Eglinton.

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