We frequently take for granted that our relationships, including romantic, family, sibling, friendship and all others, operate through many spoken and unspoken relationship agreements. When relationships break down, more often than not, a key relationship agreement (or rule) has been breached. Can you think of some of the relationship agreements that are operating in one of your significant relationships? Some common examples of agreements in romantic relationships are 1. monogamy 2. how much time is spent together 3. amount of privacy allowed 4. daily telephone contact.When an unspoken ‘rule’ or agreement is broken this can be more difficult to handle because it’s never been discussed or even promised. One person might have come to rely on something that the other person didn’t even consider was so important. In order to work it out, consider the following. The other person usually has positive intent, or the desire to please you. Although it may seem intentional, the other person is usually unaware that the breach has hurt you. So, speak up in a direct and friendly manner and be willing to verbalize the unspoken agreements operating within your relationship(s). With cooperation, relationship agreements can easily be renegotiated and strengthened.
I would love to hear about your experiences with relationship agreements!
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