How to Build a Strong Relationship

Do you know how to build a strong relationship?

Feeling your partner start to pull away and distance from you is one of the worst feelings in the world.

You try to reconnect and rekindle closeness but the two of you seem to be drifting even further apart. If you find your partner is more distant than you’d like, turn the situation upside down for a moment. Is it possible you’re creating this? Are you someone that likes to have control and has high expectations?

Are you strong and competent on the outside and a bit needy on the inside? If this sounds like you, perhaps you’re using distance to protect yourself.

Control can make it difficult to get really close to the one you love. You’ve spent so much time building walls around your heart that it almost feels dangerous on an emotional level to get too close. Awareness is key in creating the changes you desire, such as the ability to love without losing yourself.

You may have to go slower than others to create a shared life that feels secure and solid with your partner. Honor who you are and the process that fits for you and your life. Hold on to the things you need in order to feel good. This will require maintaining a passionate and purposeful life outside of your partner.

Without a strong foundation and a wellspring of self love, partner love threatens to push your interests, hobbies and friends out of the picture through the choices you make. In many cases, you are actually all too willing to trade your life in for what appears to be a happier and more exciting version.

This is often a very risky choice and many people come to regret having made the decision to give up everything for love. A life that is beautiful and compelling is the antidote to merging so far into your relationship that you slowly become just a shadow of your true self.

Having a strong commitment to your own self loves makes relationships with a partner so much easier. It is impossible to merge with or marry another person happily until you’ve learned to be your own best friend and lover.

After all, you can only love someone else as much as you love yourself.

So hold tight to all the things you need to feel good. Depending on where you are in your life you might not even know what makes you happy. It’s never too late to get to work trying to figure it out! Experiences and pastimes that engage your spirit will always be your greatest source of love.

Continuing to lead a fabulous life of your own while learning to say no to the partner you love when necessary is what you need to be able to do if you want to maintain a strong and happy relationship. Move slowly with integrating your life with your love. Gain a sure footing and a comfort level each step of the way before moving forward.

Protect your security in terms of money, support from family and friends, health and sense of self along the way.

Don’t give up your dreams! You will get there. This time it will be without having to give everything away and with the knowledge that you are loved exactly as you are.

Commit to yourself first. Once that becomes second nature, it will be time to start to build a strong relationship.


4 Responses

    1. Hi Julie, thank you! I agree that every women needs to hear this — it would be great to have Relationships 101 in schools.

Susan Blackburn

Susan Blackburn

About Susan Blackburn:

Susan Blackburn, M.A., C.Psych. is a Registered Psychologist, Psychotherapist, Counsellor & Therapist in Toronto at Yonge Eglinton, a Published Author and a guest Relationship Expert on radio and television.

Susan enjoys working with people to enhance the quality of their lives. Her collaborative psychotherapy and counselling approach offers clients effective tools and strategies to increase happiness, manage stress, find balance, improve confidence, embrace self care and focus on the positive so that they can relax and enjoy life.

Services are covered under most extended health benefits and workplace insurance plans requiring clients be seen by a Registered Psychologist through her registration with the College of Psychologists of Ontario.

Susan is the owner of Susan Blackburn Psychology a boutique therapy private practice located in midtown Toronto at Yonge and Eglinton.

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