You have to practice choosing thoughts that make you happy so that you can relax and override your brain’s instinctual fight or flight response.
It’s very likely that you’ve spent most of your life with your brain’s fight or flight system running the show and controlling how you think and behave. The pathways in the brain for fight or flight, adrenaline fuelled response are automatic.
When choosing to focus on helpful thinking becomes more of a habit, having and holding onto these thoughts becomes dominant and automatic.
To assist with choosing good thoughts it is essential that your mind has a creative outlet as this will help improve your mood and give you an edge with problem-solving and decision-making; two functions that we rely on daily to make good choices in almost everything we do.
Helpful thoughts are essentially any thoughts that make you feel good, inspire you, motivate you, give you energy and motivate you to take positive action. Unhelpful thoughts are any thoughts that make you feel bad.
This concept of choosing to be right or happy is critical in every relationship you have, including the relationship you have with yourself. But it becomes even more crucial in a long-term romantic relationship, We all want to be right, to be important, to be validated and supported.
Choosing to be right instead of happy serves to put your partner down and keep them feeling small and undeserving.
You might have heard the sentiment that ‘you can be right or you can be in a relationship’. There’s so much truth to this because taking any other stance beside we’re a team and I’ve got your pack creates resentment, anger and hurt.
Leading a fulfilling life includes committing to doing what works instead focusing on what’s right, wrong, fair or true. You will find it easiest if you have several previously generated helpful thoughts stored in your memory, because you won’t be able to create new helpful thoughts when you’re under stress.
Examples of unhelpful thinking are “My partner doesn’t make me a priority.”, or “He is so nice around others and moody when we’re alone.” Examples of helpful thinking are: “Providing for our family is very important to him.”, “I know she loves me a lot.” “I’m confident we’ll find the time to spend some quality time together.” “I love having the time to focus on and take care of myself.”
We’d love to hear from you! What are some of the ways you use to be mindful of being right or happy in your life?