The Bruins 4-0 win over the Canucks presents the perfect opportunity to highlight some relationship success essentials.

Due to your particular connection to Vancouver and the 7th game, you may feel a twinge of guilt by association (due to the riots that broke out). It’s normal to feel some shame when someone you feel connected to in some way does something you consider to be humiliating. This is often the case when your partner does something that you find inappropriate.

Everyone feels humiliated, angry, frustrated or guilty at times. Although it’s normal, it is also very unhelpful to have these emotions. In terms of life and relationships feeling this way is something you want to steer clear of at all costs. These negative feelings decrease your energy, zap your mood, dull your ability to think clearly and create distance in your relationship.

A decrease in your energy and mood, whether it’s due to humiliation you feel about something your partner did (while out at social event among friends or colleagues, for example) or shame or anger with people you’re associated with broadly (the minority of fellow Canuck fans, say) is something that you control based on the meaning you give to the situation and the ensuing thoughts you have about it.

Upon reading the headlines and seeing pictures of fires breaking out in cars, my initial thought was “Oh s&%!, how embarrassing — I can’t believe this!” It’s not your initial thought that counts though. It’s what you do with your thoughts that matters most.

Your power lies in gaining awareness of your thoughts and changing them, if necessary, and realizing that what you or anyone else does says nothing about you, unless you insist that it does — and even then, it’s all in your mind.

Don’t overidentify with beliefs, behaviors or personality traits — they can and do change from moment to moment. Changing your thoughts allows you to create thought forms and ideas that energize you and brighten your mood. This is how feeling good becomes consistent along with having the life and relationship you desire.

Being attached to being right (judgmental) includes statements like the following (from twitter): “Canucks fans are schmucks”, while choosing to be happy is includes expressions like: TheEllenShow Ellen DeGeneres. “Congratulations to the @VanCanucks on an amazing season and series. You’ll get ‘em next year.”

Ultimately, in your relationship and everywhere in your life, you’re responsible for your thoughts, emotions and behaviors. This is great news because it allows you to empower yourself and influence positive changes! What you focus on gains power so finding the positive, even when the negative seems to significantly outweigh it is an invaluable skill.

How about choosing to love by association instead of feeling guilt by association? One transcends and transmutes negative energy and the other breeds more negative energy. When seen in this light, it becomes an obvious, albeit challenging choice.

When someone does something that you consider to be wrong, decide how you want to feel. If you intend to be happy and get along, then you’ll want to hold a thought that’s in alignment with this positive frame of mind, regardless of what you’re faced with.

To do your part, whether it’s in your relationship or in the world, choose to influence the positive in your life and the lives of everyone around you by remaining centered and peaceful. Know that ’meaning’ is something that you create, regardless of what anyone else thinks. This is your relationship and your life. There’s no way you can please everyone, but you can choose to please yourself.

Taking care of your own needs is central to loving your partner and others unconditionally. What you focus on expands exponentially. So, make your thoughts count and realize that meaning is less about reality and more about what you choose to believe.

And how about the photo of the couple kissing on the streets of Vancouver with the riot police in the background (courtesy of Getty Images)? Lol. Keeping in mind what we’ve been discussing about the power of your thoughts… what do you think about that?